Crashing a Wedding Never Gets Old
The Wedding Crashers Guide to the Stock Market
“Who gives a shit? It’s a great band, it’s a bad band—it’s like pizza, baby.”
There are over 8,000 stocks out there. Add commodities, ETFs, and enough cryptocurrencies to fill a small phone book, and you’ve got yourself an endless buffet of things to trade. All you need is money, a brokerage account, and a complete disregard for personal peace of mind.
What most people fail to recognize is that trading is like crashing a wedding. You’re showing up uninvited, inserting your opinion, your greenbacks, and your attention into a party that didn’t ask for you. Some stocks are classy and quiet. Others are loud, drunk, and wearing sequins at 2 p.m. All of them have a price of admission, and every one has a host setting the mood.
If you’re not staying for dessert, you’re a crasher. And if you’re going to crash, you better have game—and be just enough of a jackass to pull it off.
This strategy can absolutely yield great returns, but it’s not for the conservative crowd. You can lose your shirt, your shoes, and possibly your dignity. But hey, you’ll have stories.
I got the idea while watching CNBC, listening to these pundits talk about “the underlying business” as if they were up at 3 a.m. fixing a broken supply chain. Let’s be honest—they’re wedding crashers too, just mingling with the crowd and pretending they know the bride’s middle name.
(By the way, the movie was based on real life. Producer Andrew Panay got the idea because he used to crash weddings in his 20s to meet women. So if Spielberg could sneak into Universal pretending to be a producer, you can sneak into the markets pretending to be Warren Buffett.)
Fake it till you make it.
And here’s the part people miss:
The big Reframe
The market never crashes—You crash it daily
Every time someone overplays their hand, every time a stock tanks on an earnings miss, or a sector implodes over one bad headline—you were called out bro.
You were caught holding the cake (and no invitation) when the music stopped. That’s your personal accountability.
That’s when Dan, the accountant, the value investor steps in, to take your leftovers, and the whole cycle restarts.
So yes, the market doesn’t collapse all at once because it’s collapsing all the time—one trade, one fool, one headline at a time.
Now, if the Wedding Crashers had rules (and they did—see below), then so should traders. Here is my current list that I must add to - send me some of your own, love to read them:
The Rules of Market Crashing
CNBC is always right. Quote their guests as if you just got off the phone with them. Never mention CNBC—just drop lines like “my friend from BlackRock said…”
Jim Cramer is an entertainer. Treat him like a weatherman in a hurricane—fade his enthusiasm.
Show off your portfolio. Oversharing is underrated. Just make sure to include your biggest losers—it builds sympathy and makes your eventual bragging rights feel “authentic.”
Sources: Reddit and Twitter only. MarketWatch is your “respectable” sidepiece.
Be an expert. Every headline is your domain. Speak with the confidence of a man who just invented confidence.
Stick to chaos. IPOs, SPACs, M&As, oversold growth stocks—anywhere there’s movement and regret, that’s your playground.
Use options. Only buy them so your loss is capped. If the premium’s too high, consider it divine intervention.
Be shameless. In 2025, just open social media to see what the world is like—no one’s judging you for trading meme stocks.
Halloween is coming up and the markets are at all time highs.
Stocks are in the trillions and even companies with $0 revenue are worth north of $50 billion dollars.
The one company that interested me that combines old school with new school glamour is Cleveland Cliffs. Over the weekend, I read an article about a town in Sweden being relocated because the Iron Ore giant there, LKAB, is expanding and the ground isn’t stable. Apparently, iron ore deposits can have massive rare earth supplies as well.
So while the ceo of CLF maybe a showman, he may be onto something. Think big.
In this market, as in weddings, it’s all fun and games—until someone catches the bouquet, or a margin call.
Have a great weekend.
PS. Here are some highlights of the official Wedding Crasher Rules…110 in all and look forward in sharing